In a move that shook the entertainment world like an ’80s aerobics class, Richard Simmons, the man who once had us Sweatin’ to the Oldies, is now Sweatin’ Over the Biopic – starring none other than Pauly Shore. Because nothing says “fitness icon” like the Weasel, right?
Simmons, now a sprightly 75 and expertly dodging the spotlight like he’s dodging carbs, took to the modern-day town square, Facebook, to drop a truth bomb: “I have never given my permission for this movie.”
It seems the Hollywood gods thought, “What this world needs is a Pauly Shore-led Richard Simmons biopic,” Simmons promptly responded with a resounding “Nah.”
The casting announcement by Shore, whose claim to fame involves talking to a stuffed weasel named “Pauly,” was as unexpected as the plot twists in Simmons’ Sweatin’ to the Oldies workout videos.
The comedic revelation came after a viral meme highlighted Shore’s physical resemblance to the fitness guru. Physical resemblance is the only criterion for a biopic, right?
Simmons, in an act of defiance worthy of a leotard-clad superhero, declared he’s done with managers, done with publicists, and just wants to live a quiet life. It’s like he’s saying, “Pauly, I’m not mad; I’m just disappointed.”
Hi Everybody!
You may have heard they may be doing a movie about me with Pauly Shore.
I have never given my permission for this movie. So don’t believe everything you read.
I no longer have a manager, and I no longer have a publicist.
I just try to live a quiet life.
— Richard Simmons (@TheWeightSaint) January 17, 2024As Hollywood readies itself for what could be the most eccentric biopic since “The Disaster Artist,” Simmons is in self-imposed exile, possibly practicing his aerobics routine in private. The man who once inspired millions to jazzercise is now inspiring us all to say, “Nope, not my biopic!”
Warner Bros subsidiary the Wolper Organisation, the puppeteers behind this unexpected cinematic extravaganza, claims they would love Simmons to be involved. But, with a twist of irony, they respect his desire for privacy while simultaneously waving the biopic banner. It’s like saying, “We respect your space, Richard, but here’s a megaphone for your privacy.”
Enter Pauly Shore, who’s playing a real-life phone tag game with the elusive fitness icon. Simmons, apparently living deep in Big Bear, still has a phone – proving that, like leg warmers, some things never go out of style.
Shore, with his ’90s bravado, is determined to make it happen. Picture this: Simmons, on the other end, taking the call while doing the Electric Slide, because why not?
The biopic pitched as a blend of “Little Miss Sunshine” and a fever dream, is set to capture the essence of a man who made spandex fashionable. But with Simmons in the wind, the Weasel might have to channel his inner aerobics instructor without expert guidance. Can Pauly Shore, the man behind “Bio-Dome,” truly grasp the nuances of a fitness sensation?
In a world where celebrity biopics are as avocado toast in a hipster cafe, Simmons’ rejection stands as a beacon of resistance. It’s like he’s telling Hollywood, “Not every life story needs a cinematic spin. Some of us just want to stretch in peace.”
As the saga continues, with Pauly Shore playing the eager puppy and Simmons the seasoned cat uninterested in the game, we can’t help but marvel at the absurdity of it all.
Will the biopic happen against Simmons’ wishes, or will the Weasel meet his match in the reclusive fitness guru? Only time will tell if Simmons’ legacy with the guy who brought us “Totally Pauly.”
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