Billie Eilish Says She Started Watching Porn at 11 and 'It Really Destroyed My Brain'

Billie Eilish is opening up about her experience with porn. During an appearance on SiriusXM's The Howard Stern Show, the 19-year-old singer revealed that she started watching porn when she was just 11 because it helped her feel like "one of the guys."

"As a woman, I think porn is a disgrace. I used to watch a lot of porn, to be honest. I started watching porn when I was like 11," she said. "I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn."

"I’m so angry that porn is so loved, and I’m so angry at myself for thinking that it was OK," Billie added. "The way that vaginas look in porn is f**king crazy. No vaginas look like that. Women’s bodies don’t look like that. We don’t come like that."

Eilish said that having watched "abusive" porn greatly impacted her first few sexual experiences.

"The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good," she said. "It was because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to."

As for her views on dating now, Eilish said that she's "not a serial dater."

"I don’t go to stuff and flirt with people. It’s really hard to meet people when people are either terrified of you or think that you’re out of their league," she said. "Last year, I thought that I’d be single for the rest of my life. I genuinely couldn’t even picture myself in a relationship of any sort. I got over that pretty fast."

When it comes to her career, Eilish recently had a great experience when she hosted Saturday Night Live, though she was incredibly "nervous and anxious" ahead of the gig.

"Preparing for SNL was f**king nuts, dude. It was literally alien," she said. "I cried every single day of the week. No joke at all. I did actually love to act when I was a kid, but that's not my world, so I don't know what the f**k I'm doing. I feel like I'm terrible. I feel like I suck."

The whole week leading up to the show she "was ready to throw up."

"I actually did throw up 'cause of it. I had a full body reaction to being anxious about this the whole week," she said. "I threw up on a plane coming here. I had crazy s**ts when I got here like you would not believe. You know the ones where you have to get fully naked on the toilet... It was a crazy stomachache." 

Midway through the week's rehearsals, Eilish participated in a table read with the cast, which is when everything came to a head.

"I went to the green room, cried, and came back," she said. "I was just scared. It’s SNL. It's these amazingly talented actors are surrounding a table where, somehow, I’m the main course for this show. I didn't feel qualified for [it]. It was scary."

All of that dissipated, though, when she walked out onto the stage for the dress rehearsal.

"Before I opened the door, I was shivering and shaking and nervous... and then I opened the door and as soon as I saw the crowd and felt their joy, it was like I wasn’t nervous," she recalled. "I suddenly was like 'Ah.' It was relieving, somehow. I think that is just my love for performing. And then I was like, 'Oh, this is actually really incredible, and I don’t have to worry. This is just for fun.'"

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